In our most recent educational programme, Fergus McCucis is joined by Connor McFly and Harry Potter the enchanter, on a divine quest.
With no further ties to the Romans, and now possessing the title of tennis world champion, Fergus was looking for a suitable bride to take home (?) to Scotland. On his way to Wales, he met fellow PCs on the road, only to find out the princess Mitzi is already spoken for. As they were camping out, a cloud stopped above them with the screeching of tires, and God himself assigned them a quest to spank Pope John XII, currently at Canterbury. They received the Pontifical Paddle and The Naughty List, artefacts to aid them in their endeavor.
The way to Canterbury was impossible to miss, what with all the pilgrims, but the brave PCs did encounter some literal and figurative roadblocks.
They joined a group of travelling penitent monks, chanting in Latin and bonking their heads with boards. The monks kept them in their group for the rest of the adventure.
Sir Galahad mistook them for silly persons[1] and challenged Fergus to single combat, but was soon bested and pledged his allegiance. This did not take long, as the group soon found a literal roadblock[2] of squashed people and a sign of sacrificial offerings. Galahad disregarded the sign, and clamebered up the mound, sword in hand. He was swiftly squashed by the Hand of God, just like Gandalf. Connor then gathered corn for Harry Potter to work into flour, this being the required sacrifice for lower class persons. Among the sheep following Harry and his homunculus Dobby (both carrying a staff), they found a ram - handy alternative for any class. Finally, Connor rustled up a young bull to be sacrificed - but took the horns up the rectum, for a bit of death.
The scenes above were soon to be repeated. The group ran into Sister Zoot, but they did not try to resist her charms at all, and so she joined them. They ran into another roadblock, but solved it in much the same way. Except for Connor not wanting to do anything with another bull, so Fergus went to buy some goats instead.
Finally, the PCs met Arthur Figgis, professional idiot. Witnessing his idiocy took a toll, but they found out that the Swiss Guard is mortally afraid of mice, so they set a mouse trap in the field and got two dead mice total.
Arriving in Canterbury, virtually dead from all the headbonking, the PCs at least quickly went through the cordon of church officials, mistaken to be monks. The Swiss Guard fled at the sight of the mouse. Zoot pranced ahead, right into...
...the orgy currently being attended by the Pope. The PCs immediately flashed their paddle, and the pope agreed to the spanking. Punishment or reward? Best not dwell on such things.[3]
The PCs remained for the orgy, and collected their divine rewards, all in a day's work.
[1] Not that mistaken.
[2] Told you.
[3] As the book says.
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