In our most ridiculous iteration of this not a game yet, we assembled a team of: Saint Stephen, king of Hungary; Phat Dandelion, the bard; and Bark Howlbert, a catholic cleric, who is secretly a werewolf. Completely new characters because, ah, I forgot the sheets at home.
Now the previous set of characters would have recognized Arthur Figgis sitting in the middle of the road, but of course these guys have never met the man. After convincing the professional idiot of their good intentions (and earning several demerits for browbeating him into submission), the characters followed Arthur to the town of Hounslow to see a gold old fashioned witch burning at the stake.
Just as Arthur was giving a scientific speech on how to recognize witches, while Mrs. Gorilla was already burning, Saint Stephen suddenly decided to stop the ritual and called in his army. The soldiers quickly beat any villagers into submission. Dandelion then took the burned woman to the town pub[1] and healed her up using a rectal infusion of herbs and beer. Coming to, the injured old woman invited all of them for a midnight tea party the next day, then hobbled away.
The following day, the characters had nothing to do, so I assaulted them with random events and rumors. The villagers, slowly trickling back to the pub, kept talking about a tiger, but all that was swiftly ignored. The characters did pick up on a rumor of Queen Guinevere missing, and somehow concluded she likes cats. Next came a cat hunt, with Dandelion playing a cat-catching melody. The cat was dressed up in a blue tie and tied into a pink sack.
First, it was King Arthur coming into town and sat down to talk with his colleague. He inquired on the matter of his missing wife, but had no clue, other than she might be found, for whatever reason, in this county of Middlesex. The characters offered up the cat, again for whatever reason, and Arthur recognized his wife's favorite pink sack, which he took immediately.
Next came the Swiss Guard, sent to hand a letter of excommunication to the reverend in charge of the town. The characters helped them besiege the manorhouse, but the reverend was nowhere to be found, as usual. At least there was some loot, and Saint Stephen broke the seal on a Papal Bull to attain absolution for his sins[2].
Roman legionnaires came to question the townsfolk regarding suspicious People's Front of Judea activity, but nobody was forthcoming with information. After finding out the romans were already Christians, nobody bothered to stop them. In fact, they helped them.
Finally, Death itself was seen stalking the village. The characters accosted him for no good reason, but they had an ace up the sleeve: Dandelion's gargoyle, which chased Death away, so they took his scythe.
Thus came and went the day, and the characters proceeded to visit the totally not witch, completely legit old lady at midnight. In her cave.
The other alternative was to investigate a tiger attack at the rhubarb farm. Nobody cared. However, to prepare for any tiger attacks, they again caught a cat, and disguised it as a tiger, with painted stripes, planks roped on for increased size, and so on. Mrs. Gorilla, totally not a witch, took the cat as a gift, and gifted them back with man sized animal costumes of a pony and a cow, directing the characters to visit the abandoned weasel tanner's workshop.
Upon vising the workshop dressed up as animals, the characters happened on a grisly sight: Queen Guinevere in the middle of some unclean ritual, with the participants dressed up as animals, and a man tied to horse dung, crying. The first idea was to join the dance and see where it goes, but it went nowhere. So instead, they browbeat the prancing animal costumed people to run away, and intoxicated the queen into submission - but not before she called on anyone to protect her, a damsel in distress. Sir Lancelot immediately arrived, and almost beat up the characters. They did manage to out-pray him, and finally intoxicate him, into pledging allegiance and promising help to rescue the Queen.
With Lancelot in tow, carrying the unconscious Queen, a great many silver trays looted from the workshop, and missing an unpaid retainer, the characters first visited Mrs. Gorilla again, only finding her abandoned cave. They went back to town instead, and King Arthur was indeed happy to see his wife again. Asking for discretion, he paid the characters handsomely, and asked for further aid in recovering his magical sword, Excalibur, from a block of spam.
[1] Called The Pub
[2] And demerit tokens
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