The participant characters, including: Uzi Jesus the monk of the Lunatic Religion, Ficus Cukis the roman noble, and Wibbleto the brianist eremite, started off by restoring order in a small town. A bunch of people were arguing in the main square, lead by a rude couple with no respect for decorum. They shat and threw up in public, but were dealt with as is proper with such ruffians. Apparently they got everyone drunk at the last elections and got themselves elected as guild masters. With that out of the way, the upset guilders told about the shipments of clothes being stolen. All headed to London for the world tennis championship at Wimbledon! The participant characters were then hired as caravan guards, with Ficus insisting upon being paid in nature. As in, clothes. All good.
Soon upon entering the forest roads, the caravan was ambushed by a dashing robber, intent on the redistribution of kilt-based wealth. He demanded all kilts to be found in the caravan. The characters, of course, refused, and contestation erupted. The robber was publicly shamed and decided to bugger off, but not before shooting Uzi Jesus in the balls with his crossbow. The unfortunate monk died on the spot. Seeing such wonderful opportunities for adventure, a random coachman stood up to join the adventuring life as a knave.
In his haste, the robber dropped several letters from his employers. His job was to gather all available kilts and drop them off in a warehouse near Wimbledon. The letters were encrusted with a sticky white substance, which the eremite did taste and revealed to be blancmange. Instead of following up on this dairy typed lead, the characters carried on their merry way, guarding the caravan.
Upon crossing a clearing, a flying machine zoomed over them, shooting Ficus with a raygun and instantly transforming him into a Scotsman. Henceforth: Fergus McCukis.
The final challenge, in before reaching London, were a band of common robbers
threatening a pair of well off but extremely ugly merchants. While some
characters would have skipped this encounter in a non-becoming manner, the
eremite recognized the merchants as aliens angels in disguise
- the very same that had saved Brian falling from the tower while being chased
by the Romans. Acquiring their trust by showing off some particularly silly
walks, the aliens enlightened the eremite with the true nature of the threat:
blancmange aliens threatening the world championship.
The knave, having no respect for the holy, pickpocketed a radio transmitter from the aliens.
Upon reaching Wimbledon, the characters did realize the true extent of the threat. Blancmanges have taken over registration, and some were warming up for the matches. Facing them were only Scotsman - well known to be badly versed in tennis. As the characters debated on how to assault the blancmanges, their own alien pair lead the charge towards some parked spaceships. The blancmanges moved to intercept, and combat was joined.
Fergus convinced his Scottish fellows to join the combat, but they all died to blancmange-launched tennis balls and being engulfed in jelly. The eremite tried seasoning the blancmanges to great effect, but was transformed into a Scotsman himself by a parked spaceship's raygun. Fergus beat the living crap out of his Ethiopian servant, OJ, then flung the resulting substances at the blancmanges. Their third fellow, the coachman turned knave, died inside a blancmange.
As the dust settled, the friendly aliens, having taken turns blowing kisses at the blancmanges to no effect, quickly absconded with a spaceship. Fergus and his eremite, being the only survivors, were crowned world tennis champions, despite now both being Scottish. There was much rejoicing.
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